#MicroblogMondays I’m on the IF Train Too


April 20, 2015 by positivelypeachie

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So there’s this girl I work with, she’s lots of fun and we’re starting to become good friends. Her son is 8, and she has a lot of Doctor’s appointments. A joint friend we have mentioned that she is seeing Dr. H – my RE – and that he gave her suppositories but she misunderstood and took them by mouth (total invasion of privacy and I told our joint friend that)…BUT….she’s seeing an RE, she’s taking suppositories….doesn’t that sound like fertility treatments?

I  know it’s none of my business, but this would be my first in real life friend going through fertility treatments and I can’t help it if I want to grab onto her and cling for dear life really want to make that connection. Problem is we’re not that close yet, and maybe she doesn’t want to be infertile friends anyway – I don’t want to seem disrespectful of her privacy in any way. I’m not going to ask her about it or make team IF t-shirts or anything – but I want to subtly bring up the topic at some point just to see if she’s willing to share her experience. I’m hesitant to share mine just yet because it’s not common knowledge, and I’m worried I’m wrong about her and I don’t want to fall flat on my face like I did last time I tried to share.

So – IF peeps…how do you make infertile friends?


9 thoughts on “#MicroblogMondays I’m on the IF Train Too

  1. Mel says:

    I feel like both people just sort of skirt around the conversation until someone asks point-blank and then both people say, “me too.” It’s hard. You’re right, you don’t want to overassume, but if you don’t ask, how do you ever make that connection?


  2. mlong3019 says:

    When I suspect someone might have experience with IF, I usually try to open up about my history with it, that way they’ll feel at ease if they want to share.


  3. Mali says:

    Hmmm. There’s a risk in coming out to someone else – they may not want to share, or they may not understand or respect your boundaries, so you’ve “come out” to more people than just her.

    I have a very good friend who has also experienced loss, infertility, and has no kids. She just doesn’t want to talk about it, so we don’t. It’s hard, as she’s one of the few people I know in real life who understands. But it’s her choice, her personality, and her way of coping.


  4. Mrs. Agony says:

    I met my fellow infertiles in a Resolve in-person support group; in a secret Facebook group; and through the blogosphere. The in-person group yielded face-to-face friendships. Then there are odd things, like running into someone I knew from high school in the waiting room of our shared RE’s office. Or mentioning to someone that you were pursing ART and having them spill their story to you. There’s definitely a bond I share with my infertile friends that is different from the ones I share with the ones who popped out kids like nothing.


  5. deathstar44 says:

    If you share, do so with the expectation that she may not and be okay with that. I had a friend who wanted to support me when I was going through my first IVF and then went all radio silent when she went through her struggles. I tried to be there for her but she never told me anything. She didn’t share with me until years later.


  6. JustHeather says:

    I didn’t find out about other infertiles I knew until I started being more open about it. Then many came out of the woodwork (hubby’s cousin, high school friends, current friends, etc)…however, most I have not talked to more beyond the initial acknowledging. But we also don’t life near each other, so there isn’t much need to discuss it.
    I say, take the plunge. You never know until you try. *hugs* it is scary!


  7. I admit I snorted at this: “make team IF t-shirts or anything” — LOL!

    I’m with the others who said you could drop a little pebble about your own experiences and see if she picks it up. Maybe you’ll be able to tell if she’s not interested, not in the same boat, or totally grateful to have someone who will make her a t-shirt.


  8. Mrs T says:

    I have just dropped cant-be-missed hints and then people have usually responded to confirm they’re going through it too. Only once did the person not say anything back, although a couple of years later she finally said she had been through it too. Good luck. IF friends are invaluable friends to have 🙂


  9. Alissa S says:

    I have found the best way to approach it, is go into a conversation in a place you are comfortable with (like a lunch date) and just talk. Ask questions about life, family, etc. Most likely, at our age, an opportunity will come about. A leading question of sorts. If you are presented with it, you don’t have to go into lots of detail unless she seems interested, but you can say “I’d love kids, but it hasn’t happened for us yet. It might take a while.” Something like that. It would give her a real opportunity to slip in her own issues. If she changes the subject or seems to feel uncomfortable, you know she isn’t ready to come out.


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