Dr. Jekyll/Mrs. Hyde


July 2, 2015 by positivelypeachie

I feel like I’m losing my mind. I have hot flashes, mood swings and every feminine part of me is achy. I’m not even a little bit interested in the deed that is going to get us a baby…and yet I know we have to if we want this to work! Ugh. Not for the faint of heart!

Clomid days 3-7, Estradiol days 8-12, Progesterone 1DPO -> ?? …..

Except the PO hasn’t happened yet because I haven’t ovulated yet. We’re making sure we’re doing what needs to be done just in case, but it’s CD17 and still nothing. What does that mean? Does that mean this cycle is a bust?

I hope it doesn’t – because not ovulating on my very first cycle with clomid is not a good sign. ūüė¶ Anyone have any advice?

Yesterday was Canada Day. I wish I could have been cheerful and written a “Yay, I’m Canadian and I love Canada” post but I just wasn’t feeling it. I do love Canada, and I am happy to be Canadian, and I know how¬†lucky I am to be born in a free country¬†that assigns people rights simply because they are human. But I just didn’t think I could handle big crowds, loud noise, lots and lots of families and pregnant people, and to boot it was a rainy day anyway. So instead,¬†I took the little boys to see “Inside Out” which is super cute, but EMOTIONAL. Be prepared it might make you cry. Or maybe it only made me cry because I’m hopped up on meds and my hormones are in overdrive. Either way…bring Kleenex. I had hoped it would cheer me up to spend some time with them – and it did –¬†but the movie itself just made me feel raw and emotional. Which is silly because it has nothing to do with infertility, but it did focus on all the wonderful memories the little girl has with her parents, and how important her family is and …. well, you know….it was one of those big, raging reminders that I don’t have children. Still good though…and maybe worth a re-watch when I am not hormonally unbalanced.

Hubby has been great and supportive, if not a little deer in the headlightsish. I think he’s just overwhelmed. They give you SO MUCH INFORMATION when you go in for that treatment appointment where you start a protocol.¬†It’s been almost¬†3 years since we were in the fertility treatment world actively, so I think he¬†had forgotten how much there is to know, watch for, be aware of, consider, etc. etc. He’s also not used to me being so hot and cold, so he really is just trying to lay low and¬†be supportive, while praying that this works and there is an end in sight to his Dr. Jekyll/Mrs. Hyde of a wife he has these days. I am so lucky to have him, he really¬†has been amazing and I am doing my best to make sure he doesn’t suffer the¬†wrath of my emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I¬†do fail, but mostly I succeed¬†in being reasonable about the fact that I am more emotional than usual.

All in all, I’m feeling probably every feeling out there about our return to treatment. I’m disappointed I haven’t ovulated yet, and sad, and angry. But I am still hopeful and excited and eager.

Tell me I’m not losing it? Please? Even if it’s a lie?


2 thoughts on “Dr. Jekyll/Mrs. Hyde

  1. mlong3019 says:

    ūüė¶ Your dosage of clomid might need to be increased, sometimes that happens. I really hope you still ovulate this cycle! Prayers!


  2. Alissa S says:

    Oh gosh. This is why I am not looking forward to getting back into Clomid cycles. If nothing happens this cycle or the next, I will be back on the wagon as well. I just don’t see that any of it will help since we ended up at IVF before. But, this is about you. I’m sorry you are feeling all the emotions with this round. I hope by now you have ovulated, but if not, the doseage will probably be increased. It all just sucks to have to go through so much for a child. I do feel like you will get there though. Hang tough and keep your eye on the prize.


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